The Myth of Balance
Throughout my career, I feel that the concept of Work-Life Balance has perpetually been a struggle. During my children’s younger years, it was nearly impossible. It seemed as if I spent 50-60 hours at work, I should be spending at least that much time in direct contact with family or friends, or spend that much time exercising in order to “balance” all of it out.
The allure of the word “balance” comes from this idea that if we can just find a way to obtain this, we can walk a narrow tightrope between expectations and find a path that somehow honors everything around us. If we can just find balance, then we can figure out how to keep it. While work-life is a common attempt at this, the concept permeates so many other areas of our life, even within a specific role or arena.
I used to joke with over-working employees that if balance was true, for every 60+ hour week, there would be a week in which the job would only demand 20 hours. After all, mathematically, that is what “averaging 40-45 hours per week” would result in. It never happened that I can recall :-)
As the years have passed, I realize now that balance isn’t obtainable and is likely the wrong goal to be striving after. I now prefer to use the concept of “tension”.
Tension in our lives
There is a tension between my desire to spend time with my spouse, my family, be a good friend to others, work hard, provide value to my company and clients, exercise, etc. All of these endeavors are good things. However, some days, one area of my life might need, or even demand, my attention. That creates tension on the other areas as I pull from there to provide the focus to an area of need.
In my mind, the word balance conjures images of a seesaw on a playground. One side must go down while another goes up. While the concept of tension feels more like climbing ropes. The tension between the climber’s weight and the belayer creates safety and allows for focus on the task at hand
I have found that the concept of tension aligns more theologically as well. There are tensions often in what God asks us to do. Serving or giving generously, by definition, creates tension in other areas of our lives. It becomes a question of trust: If I give in this area, can I trust you God to provide in other areas?
Tension in Scripture
The Jewish scholars at the time of Jesus understood this well. Although the law had 613 commandments spelled out in the Torah, the leaders throughout time had created additional laws to help the people keep those that were essential. However, even within those 613 laws directly from God, there were sometimes challenges or seemingly competing priorities.
While primarily a theoretical exercise, it was essential for them to wrestle with what God asks them to do. For example, God clearly commands that they were not to work on the Sabbath (Exodus 20:8-11). However, if a neighbor’s donkey were to fall into a well on the Sabbath, could you help it out? After all, Deuteronomy 22:4 commands that you help out livestock, even that of your enemies. In this situation, what would actually constitute “work”... and if you chose to love your neighbor by helping him with his livestock in an emergency, would that actually be a better choice? It was a situation filled with tension. Jesus even calls them out on this in Luke 14:5.
In that time, in order to help people navigate this tension, a Rabbi would have an ordered structure to the laws of scripture that he would call his “Yoke”. They were prioritized in the most important law, the second greatest, and so on to help make these hard decisions easier. Those that followed that rabbi would “take on his yoke” to help them with these situations. If you found yourself in a situation where you needed to violate a law, you could only violate it with a higher priority law.
This is why Jesus was asked, “What is the most important commandment?” (Matthew 22:36-40) They were asking about his yoke, his order of how to navigate this tension between two seemingly competing priorities or commands.
Suggested practice: Each week, take five minutes to ask: Where is the tension highest in my life? What deserves my focus this week, and what can wait?
A little secret... the power of "and"
In today’s world, I have found that how I handle interruptions is key to my internal struggle with tensions. If I get aggravated by an interruption, it’s likely an insight into how I’m doing internally or even how I’m currently managing my tensions.
As I have wrestled with this over the years, I realize that it comes from this western perspective that I can only be doing A OR B activities. There is some truth to that; by pulling my attention from A to give it to B, I am no longer focussed in that area. However, this is not always true. There are elements in which I can combine activities to achieve two elements at once. Quick examples might include:
- Walking with a spouse or friend, which provides both exercise AND relational connection
- Making dinner while listening to music/podcast; performing a task AND refueling yourself
- Taking someone to practice and bringing a book or taking a walk while waiting; allowing you to pour into yourself AND get some time with your child
If you can find ways in which you can accomplish two key functions at once, you can more easily live within the tensions that life provides.
Living within health tension
I have tried, not entirely successfully, to try and view situations as a chance to be intentional with my “and”. Driving to yet another soccer practice can instead by viewed as a chance to get an uninterrupted 10-20 minutes in the car with one my kids, allowing myself to be intentional for that ride. It’s not “just” an interruption to the day.
However, having the understanding of “tensions” instead of just striving for balance. And then layering on the ability to view life and interruptions as a chance to navigate and find an “and” in the situation allows me to better live within the world and demands of every week.
Some other ways that help are:
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Naming the tension rather than fighting it.
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Setting “seasonal” priorities instead of daily ones.
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Inviting accountability through a spouse, mentor, or friend.
Wrapping Up
Jesus’ yoke he presented as being easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30). Jesus wasn’t removing the tension but helping us live it out in peace by fulfilling all of the law into two areas: Love God and Love Others.
As you reflect this week:
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Where in your life are you chasing balance instead of embracing tension?
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What’s one area this week where you can practice the power of ‘and’?
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What is one thing you can release or let go of in order to focus on where God is calling you?
I hope you find blessing in this perspective as well. Let me know what you think and where this provides benefit to you below.
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